Year III of the NY Sport Blog Valentine's Extravaganza
Hello readers, and a very Happy Valentine's Day to all of you. The blog is coming at you in a sparkling red font today, as has become tradition for the V-Day Extravaganza. I can't believe we've already reached year 3 of this tradition...furthermore, not ONE of the lucky damsels of years 1 and 2 have contacted me. Not even a telegram.
If you're new to the blog, this is one of the more pathetic annual postings imaginable. Essentially it's the Top 5 Most Desirable Valentine's according to Conor. To help get you up to speed, here is a link to the inaugural posting in 2009 (damn, I forgot all about the 'Puck-Fests I used to write...expect a rousing comeback for those in 2012.) And here is the link to last year's post.
As you can see from the past years, the rules are carefully constructed and concise. I will simply cut/paste last year's rules right here, with some brief modifications:
2012 Valentine List Rules and Regulations:
1) The Valentine can't be over 30 or under 22 (We gotta be able to talk about stuff)
Apologies To: Rachel McAdams, Both Members of the Bieber/Gomez relationship, Kate f'n Beckinsale
2) The Valentine can't give off the aura of hating the world and all the people in it (Put a smile on that face, gurl)
Apologies To: Megan Fox, Blake Lively, everyone on Reality television
3) The Valentine can't be passed from guy to guy like cigarettes at an OTB (Reasonable)
Apologies To: Nicki Manaj, (She's Just Being) Miley Cyrus
4) The Valentine must be a mainstream singer/actress. Models are disqualified (Unreasonable, but necessary)
Apologies To: Kate Upton, Bar Rafaeli, the UFC girls.
5) The Valentine can't have a romantic history with any A-holes/monsters/baby abandoners. Too much baggage (If you've dated a jerk, you're probably berserk)
Apologies To: Rihanna, Elin Nordegren, Kim Kardashian, Gisesle Bundchen, Kate Hudson
6) The Valentine cannot be perpetually confused, as if they were concussed with a brick ten seconds ago (I'm very easily-frightened)
Apologies To: Audrina Patridge, Taylor Swift
7) Obviously, the Valentine could not have been a part of previous lists.
Apologies To: Natalie Portman, Kelly Kelly, Minka Kelly Ashley Tisdale, Carrie Underwood, Anne Hathaway, Maggie Grace, Elisha Cuthbert, Mila Kunis, Olivia Wilde
So there you go...simple enough, right? Now I know what you're thinking: according to rule 7, aren't these technically just #10-15 of your 'Most Desirable' celebrity Valentines? To which I respond- Yes...but this is my blog and I make the rules! Anywho, here goes nothing. Naturally, I put out this list and about 10 minutes later realize "Oh CRAP, I forgot about so-an-so!" It's inevitable. But I'm not ashamed of any of the five lasses I put below. Mini-spoiler alert: it appears television really rules the day at the moment in terms of the hotties. I guess that's what happens when the maker of this list only goes to the movies to see Nicolas Cage and/or talking animal movies.
The link attached to each name is a very pretty, very tasteful image of each lucky lady. Now for real, NY Sport Blog proudly presents the esteemed list of 2012.
The same thing happens to me every year. I think, "Hm, she seems really great...too bad she must be like 35 by now and is therefore list-ineligible. Then sure enough I get her on Wiki, and....26? 26 years old? How old was she when she starred in the first Pirates movie, 13?? Ok, looks like she was 18 when she did that. Now, Keira hasn't done anything groundbreaking in the last couple of years. And the movie Domino really tested the collective patience of moviegoers worldwide. Nevertheless, she has paid her dues and clearly should have been on one of the first two Valentine's lists. Keira Knightley: not ugly.
4. Kaley Cuoco
Perhaps the most polarizing selection for this list. As recently as two months ago, I had no idea who Kaley Cuoco was. Well, consider me among those who actually latched onto The Big Bang Theory once the show went into syndication. It's pretty funny. Though the show would stand no chance without Kaley's...physical presence. Her shirts in every scene are so low-cut that they often approach the FCC 'danger zone.' But she seems like a spirited lady with some comedic abilities. You don't need much beyond that to qualify for this honor.
If you can star in a movie with The Rock, that goes a hell of a long way with me. Vanessa hit it big with the High School Musical franchise, and her co-star Ashley Tisdale made an appearance on this list two years ago. Now it's her time, and I'm sure Ms. Hudgens is elated. Part of me is upset that I can never be a boyfriend on the level of Zac Efron (who can?) But it would sure be fun to try. 'Ness, if you need a date to any of the Journey 2 premiers...my email is on the left sidebar of the blog's homepage.
2. Dianna Agron
I'm not really into Glee. Before I ever watched an episode, I thought it was basically a show about Lea Michelle singing all these songs and trying to find love in high school. Once I sat down and started watching, I had just one thought..."Who the HELL is this blonde chick?" Seeing thousands of commercials for the show, none of them seemed to even mention her. Lea Michelle is a mighty talented lady, but Dianna is the franchise player. I'm not sure it will compel me enough to watch her in I Am Number Four...but it's not out of the question either.
This one actually dates back a while. I haven't watched an episode of American Idol since the William Hung days, so I didn't know her from that. But she guest-starred on one of my favorite shows, the now sorta-defunct Community. However, you can't get a spot on this esteemed list with just one red-hot cameo. So the perfect storm has arrived in the form of Smash, where NBC is apparently trying to make her the biggest star in the universe. Seriously...I swear I saw commercials for that show six months before it actually premiered. Have I watched it? Absolutely not. But Kitty-Kat is current, she's purrrrrty, she's cool enough to appear on Community, and (presumably) has a great singing voice. We'd like to congratulate Ms. McPhee on becoming the second Idol contestant to take home this prestigious award. If Carrie Underwood's post-victory success is any indication, Katharine is well on her way to superstardom.
There you have it. Honestly, I thought about putting the names in alphabetical order this year...I mean, there's honestly no difference between these five wonderwomen. But I'm satisfied with the order of finish, and hopefully this added some cheer to your Valentine's Day. Ladies, enjoy the taste of your chocolates, the scent of your flowers, and the charm of your cards. Guys, keep on treating them well. Both this day every day. Thanks for reading!
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