I'm sorry I didn't have my usual Standing on a Pedestal last week. I had a tough week. After being in the audience for the Jerry Springer and Steve Wilkos shows back-to-back, I then got snowed in for a couple days at a friend's place in New Jersey, where I spent two days accomplishing nothing besides seeing the movies House Bunny (great cameos but otherwise mediocre movie) and Cruel Intentions (terrific chick flick).

Anyways, at the request of a loyal reader, here's a brief rundown on what it was like to be part of the audience for the Jerry Springer show:
 
You know you're at the Jerry Springer show when:

-Before the show, the lobby metal detector goes off for a 60-year-old woman's belly ring
-The lobby absolutely stinks of weed
-The producers then celebrate those who have smoked weed
-The person sitting next to you complains he's "too high to function"
-The producer begs you not to yell "titties", only for a quarter of the audience to scream it 20 seconds later
-A guest with a unibrow and a disgusting one-piece is whistled at by 90% of the male audience
-A 66-year-old man who once ran for Senate swings down a stripper pole to start the show
-And nothing I've just mentioned shocks you in the slightest

Jerry Springer: Just another reason why America's awesome. Not only do we penalize cheaters, liars, and bums, we bring them on a stage and laugh at them for good measure.

Ok, enough on that, let's talk some New York sports. Kind  of a boring fortnight, with the Olympics dominating most of the headlines and the remaining New York teams continuing to play like horsecrap. You know times are rough when one of the highlights of the past two weeks was the Knicks' acquisition of an overpaid aging superstar fresh off of major knee surgery.

The Buzz:

For once, Knicks talk dominated conversation this week. Tracy McGrady and his expiring contract's trade to New York two weeks ago gives Knicks fans a glimmer of hope that their team might be in a playoff race before they die. As most of you probably know, they're far enough under the salary cap now that they can sign two max contract free agents this summer. So speculation is running wild about LeBron and Dwayne Wade potentially suiting up 2010-11 Knicks. Basically, the fate of the Knicks for the next five years hangs on the impending off-season. Hey, it can't be worse than the last five years.

The next biggest topic was, well, do I even need to say it at this point? The Mets at least now have some on-field Spring Training fun to distract their fans from their constant off-field messes. Who would've thought people could be so excited to see Elmer Dessens pitch in the 3rd inning? I guess anything's better than watching Omar Minaya botch a press conference...

Derek Jeter's contract status, as well as the impending battle between Phil Hughes and Joba Chamberlain for the 5th spot in the rotation, highlighted early spring training Yankees talk. Many like Joba winning the 5th starter battle and Hughes going back to his setup role from last season.

There's been some football talk regarding the passing of the New York Jets' running back torch from Thomas Jones to Sionn Greene, which became official this week when Gang Green cut Jones. Many fans are now calling on the Jets to sign a veteran back such as Brian Westbrook or LaDanian Tomlinson to shore up the backfield in Jones' absence.

Finally, plenty of Olympic hockey talk filled the airwaves the past couple weeks as well, with several interesting debates on whether or not the Olympics help the NHL in New York. Most commentators tend to think that mainstreaming hockey in New York is all but a lost cause with or without the Olympics, but a brief post-Olympic spike of interest is a legitimate possibility.

Notable Quotable:

"What sport has the most die-hards? Hockey. What sport has the most casual fans? The NFL. How's that working out?" -Colin Cowherd, 1050 ESPN

Despite the obnoxious undertone, Cowherd's right on. Hockey's problem in America isn't the sport itself- it's just as fast-paced and action-packed as any other mainstream American sport- it's just far too polarizing to ever fully take off here. As Cowherd says, hockey's problem is it doesn't have casual fans.

If you like hockey, there's a good chance you have a parent or close relative who influenced your love for the sport. You probably also grew up playing hockey, watching hockey, and loving hockey, probably more than any other sport. I know I'm generalizing, but from what I've seen and heard, this seems to be hockey's issue in America. With far too few exceptions, it's a love-hate sport. For proof, look no further than the Big Apple: there aren't bandwagon Ranger or Islander fans if they're doing well, while millions band-wagoned on the Jets' playoff run just two months ago.

Deplorable Quotables:

5) "(Tiger Woods) isn't a human being. He's a corporation." -Michael Kay, 1050 ESPN

I know I've already written plenty on Tiger, but I can't resist one last comment. Isn't cheating on your wife is about as human a mistake as they come?

4) "They have the right to celebrate after four years of hard work." -Mark Maluses, WFAN (in reference to the Canadian women's hockey team drinking champagne and smoking cigars after winning the gold)

I'm pretty sure I'm in the minority opinion on this, but the Canadians really couldn't walk 100 feet to the locker room and celebrate there? Is it that much to ask? Sure the Americans probably made too big a deal out of this, but go celebrate in the locker room like everybody else, if for no other reason to avoid inevitable and needless bad press.

3) "(US hockey beating Canada in the preliminaries) was a great win, but it doesn't compare to the 1980 game." -Mark Maluses, WFAN

Sorry to poke at you again Mark, especially since you were far from the only host to say this, but I don't think I heard anyone compare the first round win to the 1980 Miracle on Ice. Lots of the older folks got really defensive about the Miracle on Ice game, even though nobody (that I heard at least) tried to compare the two games, though if anybody did they would've been nuts.

2) "New York doesn't care about a Cardinals-Tigers World Series. They only care about the Yankees and Mets." -Colin Cowherd, 1050 ESPN

Would Boston care about a Cardinals-Tigers World Series? Would LA care about a Cardinals-Tigers World Series? I don't understand why New York gets singled out here. The only town that might care about every World Series is baseball-fanatic St. Louis. That's it. National hosts love to pick on big, bad New York, but the truth is New York, at least in this case, is just like everybody else.

1) "February is tired of being the 13th month in a 12 month year." -Steve Somers, WFAN

Ummm.....What the hell?


Spotlight on: Colin Cowherd, 1050 ESPN

A direct and somewhat goofy host who isn't happy unless he's stirring up controversy, Cowherd is currently the only nationally syndicated host who appears on either major New York sports talk station.

Cowherd is very much a polarizing figure- his many detractors have famously slapped him the nickname "schrutebag" for his incredibly arrogant ways- yet his show has grown exponentially nationwide since he joined ESPN back in 2004.

Cowherd offers a change of pace to typical sports talk hosts by discussing a slew of unique topics. He frequently touches on sports TV ratings, the effect of geography on sports, and how sports fit into our society. Sound like a bit of a yawner? Not exactly. Cowherd also loves to come up with strong opinions based on rather loose geographical generalizations, and he's stubborn as hell, which makes for plenty of lengthy on-air debates. If you like listening to guys who break down games for hours, Cowherd isn't for you. He talks about whatever he wants, sports or not, and he loves nothing more than a good argument. And unlike most New York hosts, he's far more willing to hear out the other opinion, but good luck swaying him.

For a different voice with unique topics, check out "The Herd" from 12-2 PM on 1050 ESPN.

That's it for this week, and remember, if you hear anything you think I should mention, just post it in the comments section below. Thanks for reading!