Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.  And welcome to the celebration.

Why celebrate you ask?  Because today we lay to rest the playoff aspirations of the New York football Jets.  New York and their fans, though dreading this day for a long time, knew that realistically it would come sooner rather than later.  For the last month or so, the Jets have fought for their lives while being hooked on life support.  For about 58 minutes of yesterday's game, it looked as if the team had further made strides toward recovery.  But Matt Ryan and the Falcons, if only for two minutes, got their hands on the cord and gave it a fatal tug.  Atlanta's Tony Gonzalez did his trademark slam dunk as Jets nation could only stare in awe.

After all, how did they lose this game?  Well first off, they didn't do too much to win it...which isn't a great start.  But a Mark Sanchez's bomb to the suddenly-sure handed Braylon Edwards put New York up 7-3, and it was a lead that seemingly lasted forever.  But forever wasn't long enough for the Jets yesterday.  They accomplished the incredibly rare hat trick in the kicking game...a field goal missed conventionally, a field goal missed on a botched snap, and a field goal missed by being blocked.  We'll just go ahead and call that a 'shat trick' instead.

Yes, any or all of those kicks probably mean a Jets victory.  But as we said, this is a celebration of the 2009 Jets' life, not a mourning of their death.  It was jam-packed with high points, low points, injuries, lower points, and acquisitions.  And although it all came crashing down yesterday, I am quite accepting of the fate.  And maybe you should be, too.  Let me explain, with a few reasons why yesterday's loss shouldn't take all the holly jolly out of your holiday week...

1. Even if the Jets won out, I don't think they would have made it--No, this isn't a case of me desperately lying to myself so I can feel better.  First let's admit that Denver is getting one of the wild card seeds (Although sorry Chris, but they are the easiest bet to go one-and-done in the history of the NFL.)  But they'll get in.  For the Jets to get the last spot, they needed to win out and have the Baltimore Ravens lose a game.  Well Baltimore promptly demolished the Bears 31-7 yesterday.  They look impressive, and I fully expect them to polish off Pittsburgh and Oakland to get in the playoffs.  If that happened the Jets have been dead all along...we just didn't know it. 
2. The 2009 New York Jets are not ready for the playoffs--This may be tough for some to hear.  Believe me, it was tough to write.  But come on.  We all saw the game yesterday.  A long-bomb touchdown pass was the only points the Jets could muster at home against an Atlanta team that was banged up and playing for nothing.  Even if they eeked out yesterday's game, was yesterday's team really something to look forward to, if they somehow made the playoffs?  Rookie quarterback...playing on the road... probably against a defense much better than the Falcons that swallowed up the Jets.  And I get why you're shaking your head in rage for me suggesting this.  I know the excitement of being in the playoffs and preparing the whole week and having the house/dorm parties is great stuff.  But if Gang Green made the playoffs, Sanchez would set deceivingly-high 2010 expectations for himself, the Jets would not sneak up any anyone next season, and their schedule would be tougher.  You may hate me for saying it, and know that it hurts me as well...but it's better this way.
3. Big things are in place for 2010--It's easy to forget, but Kris Jenkins and (a hopefully re-signed) Leon Washington are still a part of this team.  Since their injuries, one could argue that the Jets lost their best individual players on offense, defense, and the return game.  Three of the four losses since the injuries have been by a total of 8 points.  You better believe these two will make a difference next year.  Though the numbers don't tell the whole story, the "#1 ranked" defense will stay pretty intact going into next year, and Sanchez will have a full offseason to get better without all the hullabaloo and fanfare that go with a top-5 drafted quarterback.  And yes Herm, we know "you play to win the game," but the Jets may be struggling enough right now to get themselves a top-15 pick in next year's draft.  All of these things, combined with the Patriots coming down to earth thse past few years, means that the Jets' business as usual (aka losing) culture may change quickly. 

So there you go.  I'm sorry if you didn't want to hear any of that today.  Or tomorrow.  Or ever.  But those are the things I'm looking forward to.  Yes, technically, I have lost hope for 2009.  There is still a mathematical chance the Jets can get in this season.  Of course, they must win their last two.  And hey, Miami and Jacksonville are probably going down at least once with their schedules.  If that happens and Philly beats Denver next week, presto!  The Jets get in at 9-7.  I'm not telling you to give up on this.  Please, do not.  But on Monday, December 21 2009, I'm thinking about the things stated above.  In the grand scheme of things, I don't think yesterday's loss will mean all that much in the end.  Now if the Jets play like a team possessed and barely miss the playoffs due to a tiebreaker, then by all means, call me an idiot.  I deserve it for lack of faith. 

Thus concludes the memorium section of the Monday Mash.  Next I'll spotlight some of my favortie players/games from the week, then we'll wrap it all up with little blips from around the league.  Enjoy

The Montauk BeverageWorks Delicious Performance of the Week:
Jerome Harrison and Josh Cribbs, (tie) Browns.  I never thought I would be putting one Cleveland player in this slot.  Now that two have done it at the same time, it proves that truly anything is possible when you play the Chiefs.  Harrison averages 8.5 yards everytime he carried the ball.  That's a good number for a five carry-per-game, gimicky backup.  But Harrison averaged that for THIRTY FOUR CARRIES.  The result: 286 yards and 3 touchdowns.  As for Cribbs, he just had the boring ol' 269 yards on kickoff returns with 2 going to the house.  My favorite part about this game: Cleveland only won the game by seven points.  My second favorite part: I predicted the Browns to win by a score of 3-2.  It was 41-34.  Hey, a cover is a cover.  Thanks, Cleveland.

The Favorite Flop of the Week:
Houston Texans.  Really, guys?  Now the underdogs had a pretty feisty week.  And Arizona came close to getting this dishonor with their dud against Detroit.  But at least the Cards hinted that they could blow out the Lions.  The Texans lollygagged their way to a disgusting 16-13 win even though Keith Null was throwing the ball for the Rams.  As far as I'm concerned, a quarterback with a total of two syllables in his name should never, ever get the best of you.  So you take your gross win, Houston.  There's blood draped all over it.

The Underdog Uprising of the Week:
Carolina Panthers.  Apologies to the Raiders, Cowboys, and Bucs.  But this one really stunned me.  The Panthers were playing for nothing except to protect their turf.  After a Saints loss on Saturday, Minnesota was potentially playing for a whole lot more.  Matt Moore (GASP!  Two-syllable QB alert.  We'll call him Matthew Moore) and the Panthers dominated start-to-finish.  Reports are now saying Brett Favre was nearly pulled due to ineffectiveness.  Steve Smith put on a show and made the Vikings secondary look soft.  All this, along with Adrian Peterson's bizarre decline, and all the sudden the big bad Vikings don't look as scary in the playoffs.

• Though the Jets-Falcons game was a disaster, it ended at the perfect time.  Fox shifted over to bonus coverage of the Steelers-Packers finish.  I won't even get into the whole Pittsburgh onside kick thing...I'll be 80 years old before I wrap my head around that one.  But Ben Roethlisberger really is something else.  Even after winning two Super Bowls (as much as the Mannings combined) he is still so undervalued in terms of "please don't let him have the ball in the final minutes in a one-score game."  He's as unflappable as they come.  And Green Bay may be the most interesting feast-or-famine team in the 2009 playoffs.
• It was an ugly week for my picks section, but two underdogs gave me some hope moving forward.  The Bills came through with an excuse-me-cover at home to New England.  And the emotional Bengals came through on the upset perfiction of the week.  Thanks, fellas.
• I shudder to think what the Titans' record would be if Vince Young had been starting the entire season.  I understand it would have been a nutty thing to do.  But I mean, how surprisingly-amazing has he been?
• Monday Night Football should get some monster ratings in New York.  Literally, the Giants are the only NFC team 'in the hunt.'  Besides the 6 teams that are currently in place, New York is the only one that can potentially grab one of their spots.  First on the tab, the Washington Redskins on the road.  It will be cold.  It will be ugly.  But the Giants season will mathematically continue.  The line is New York (-3).  Lay the points with confidence.  Giants 23, Redskins 17